Feeding the Obsession

So apparently my idea of a vacation is watching gobs of television. In my life in Boston, I miss a lot of television in favor of more altruistic pursuits. I am so excited to catch up in a guilt free environment (okay maybe not exactly guilt free, but the guilt isn't over missing my volunteer activities, any guilt is a result of years of study under my Jewish grandmother's tuetlage).

Anyway, I am watching a Little People Big World Marathon and I am really excited. I haven't seen the episode that I am watching right now! For those of you familiar with my obsession, you know how shocking that is :).

Oh, and in addition to my daily television overload, I am also fulfilling my gluttony quota with a visit to Mumbo Gumbo -- if you're ever in Anchorage (whether it be just for a long layover or a full visit) you MUST visit this place. They have the best biscuits EVER and the woman who owns the restaurant/cooks is really nice (and good).

Anyway, that's today's update.

Fun

So we went to visit my sister at work. She works down at the "mill" which somehow brings to mind images of the industrial revolution to me when said like that. In reality, she works at a store with pet and livestock supplies, AND fun kitchen/home items like a sushi timer (while tempted, I didn't get it for anyone), crocs (including crocs charms) and hot water bottles to name a few of my favorite items :).

It's been a pretty quiet day other than that and that makes me very happy.

Tonight I am either watching What's Cooking or Only Human and I am very excited because I LOVE them both -- you should watch them too! Gotta go, I am suddenly sharing a chair with two rambunctious dogs.

Don't Worry

It all worked out, after circling Anchorage in ever narrowingloops, and going to two pet stores and a couple of retail locations on Christmas eve to little avail, I did what the Shepherds did and got up early Christmas morning and bought giftcards :).

My cold is coming along nicely, though the sympathy here leaves something to be desired. As my sister put it "we've all been sick really recently and much worse than you. We all suck it up and just work through it." So I did, I made dinner for Chanukah and Christmas (well my dad made the turkey, I made the sides). We'll see who's sick now. . . .

Ooh, in other news, I have watched Little Miss Sunshine twice in the last two days. I LOVE IT!!!! It is soo funny and so good. You should all go out and rent it right now, better yet, go out and buy it. It deserves to be watched over and over and -- you get the idea.

I think that's all from this neck of the woods. It's been a fairly laid back trip so far.

Breaking News

A deep breathe and a search of ebay found me the item I wanted for my mother and while it's not getting here in time for christmas, it may be cheaper than if I had gotten it from Target -- so take that super-store that breaks hearts and ruins Christmas. . . .

My sister probably wouldn't have liked the clothes I picked out forher anyway. So perhaps that's a mixed blessing. . . .

I AM SO ANNOYED

I placed an order with Target and instead of having it sent to Boston and then lugging it across the country, I had it sent home. I placed it using my amazon account info which uses an old email address I don't use much any more. I assumed everything was fine since the check out went fine and I received part of the order this week (because freakishly they couldn't send one portion -- a cardigan to Alaska). I told my family not to open any packages if they came for me and when I finally made it home last night I saw a giant amazon package by the front door and assumed it was mine. (I think we all know where this is going) It wasn't. I went online just now to try and find out when I could expect the package. It wasn't listed in my recent account history. I went to my old email address to see if they'd sent me an out of stock notice or anything.

They apparently sent me an email saying they would place the order when they received payment. This doesn't make sense to me at all. I paid for the cardigan at the exact same time I paid for the rest of the items and I had plenty of money in my account to cover it.

I am sooooooooooo frustrated. Now I don't have anything for my mother and when I went online just now the item I ordered no longer shows up at all as something that I could buy. I have one lousey cardigan for my sister and nothing to show for my planning ahead and effort. I am angry at Target (who I usually love) for screwing up this order and I am angry at myself for not looking into it sooner. I am also angry that I went to bed around 4:30 or 5:00 Anchorage time (so 8:30 or 9:00 Boston time) after hardly sleeping at all on the flights and I woke up this morning at 7:15 (Anchorage time).

I am so cranky about the order etc. that there's no way I am going back to sleep any time soon and my sister (who picked me up) isn't getting up any time soon either. I would like to get dressed and just go out shopping (even though what I really wanted were the items I agonized over on the target website) but I am also a nervous driver and I can't even get the truck out of the tiny garage, let alone drive it in the snow flurry that's covering the sheer ice that they had when I arrived.

None of these factors are leading to a very merry Christmas. Least of all the knowledge that it's not about presents, it's about Jesus, so why am I so upset about any of it anyway?!!!!!

Last Night

There was not a run on the stockings, though one of our regulars didn't get one :(. We also had some leftover Christmas cookies and we had a few extra desserts/crackers that didn't get taken. So yay, New Years Eve fun for them. When some of the guys came to our cart I told them, we're a treat (meaning the woman handing out coffee and sweets with me) but if you move down the line you can actually get a present. I just got groans when I said it though :).

In other news of last night I saw yet another weird thing -- the things I have written about are weird right? It's not just me? There was a man riding his bike down Mass Ave (for you non-bostonians, read really busy street) with his dog on a leash running beside him. While I don't think it's safe for this little set up ever, I couldn't believe that you would put your dog's life in danger by doing it on an insanely busy street. I mean it's one thing to do it in a cul-de sac with no totally no traffic, but come on!

A Whole New Me!

I overheard a woman talking loudly to her friend yesterday and she said: "I am like a whole new person!" her friend smiled and the woman said: "no, seriously, I mean there are parts on me that you wouldn't even recognize if you saw them."

A Run on the Stockings

So my Thursday night volunteer group is handing out christmas cookies and stockings filled with personal care items to the needy tonight. I am a little worried though, we only have enough for 60 stockings and while that's usually more than enough for an average night, I am afraid that my telling numerous people this week who have asked me for money to come out on Thurs. may result in more than the 60 people we have anticipated!

More Dog Stories

So last night after visiting my third post office (but that's another story), I was walking past a woman who was walking in. She had two really pretty but fairly large dogs (smaller than a golden lab larger than a cocker). I heard her say to her husband: "It astonishes me how stupid people can be." I thought that was an amusing comment for a non-blind woman to say as she brought two dogs into a post office during the christmas rush.

Animal Cruelty

So I saw a woman walking a dog today and I wanted to take him away from her (and not just because he looked longingly at me in that endearing way that dogs have which will ensure that they can remain parasites using humans until nuclear destruction wipes us all off the face of the earth and cockroaches rule again). The problem was, I didn't know if I was more upset by the way she kept tugging on his leash and yelling at him as he paused and looked at people wagging his tail so his whole body shook or if it was the fact that she'd put a collar on him that was covered in bells and a festive holiday tartan. I mean come on, she doesn't deserve a dog!!!!

Shocking

I was telling my boss a story about someone and she said: "That sounds like the epitome of passive aggressive, I have never understood the concept of passive aggressive, but that sounds like it. . . ."

My boss has PERFECTED the art of passive agressiveness. I am sad I can't think of an example now and that I haven't posted anything about it thus far, but she is the Queen of passive agressive so I thought her comment was terribly amusing. Perhaps this can be an audience participation post, anyone remember a good passive agressive story about my boss?

I am brillant

This is my elevator story. It happened about two weeks ago now, but I think it's worth re-telling. My boss asked me if I would deliver a box to another company that was doing us a favor. The way she asked set me off. She said would I be willing to do it or should she ask Em or should the little red hen do it -- I have no idea what made her the little red hen that morning, Em had been pulled in several directions with two instructors needing help and with the front door that wasn't unlocked and being told by our boss to re-do her sign b/c it was too confusing, that by saying please use other door, people were going to the building next door and as soon as I came in I got on the phone with the door people so we could get it figured out I didn't see our boss doing anything like that, but whatever. . . . That's not the point of my story. . . .

Anyway, after much teeth pulling etc. I got the address, floor, and person I was supposed to talk to from my boss. I had a pleasant walk to the building and found it very easily. When I got to the elevators things started to get awkward.

Not realizing that the elevator was just arriving, I pushed the elevator call button, I had a little trouble doing this as people were getting off the elevator and walking into me (which should have been a clue). I felt stupid, but got on the elevator. Once there though, I was looking at the floor buttons and I panicked. I knew I was supposed to go to the 13th floor, but I couldn't see the button, I could see a button for the 12th floor and the 14th floor and I remembered seeing a sign that said that this elevator only went to certain floors, but I hadn't thought to check which. I wondered if it was only even numbered floors and then I thought maybe there isn't a 13th floor for superstitious reasons but realized that was stupid, why would two people specifically say the 13th floor if there wasn't one?!

All this happened fairly quickly, and I was about to get off the elevator and re-read the sign and just catch another, but a guy who had seen me call the elevator when it was already there had gotten on the elevator with me and apparently seen my panicked scramble. He held the door open button and asked what was wrong. I said I was going to the 13th floor and he said ok, it's that button right there (see below for the formation of the buttons). I felt so stupid that it was so obvious, but I still think it was kind of a weird formation!!

To finish the story, he asked if it was just too early and we had some small talk as we continued our long ride up to the 13th and 14th floors. When we got to the 13th floor he said, "this is you, good luck." Which again made me feel like a fool -- but I deserved it.

I got off the elevator and turned to the left because I saw a door and I assumed the reception desk was behind it. Instead it was a door you need one of those employee passes to get through, so I turned around and started walking to the right and you guessed it, the doors to the elevator hadn't closed yet so my elevator buddy saw me pass by. . . .

Post Party Depression

So, probably not as bad as post-partum, but still a little sad. I think my Chanukah party went well. Lots of good food, great people and a good time. We even finished all the dishes from it today. Sadly, we made Christmas cookies all afternoon so there are plenty more dishes to deal with. I am ready for bed now though, so they'll have to wait till tomorrow. . . .

People Don't Make You Angry, You Make You Angry

I am angry! I am frustrated and I am sad. I had the hard conversation tonight (uninviting someone who had broken trust and hurt people I loved). I was trying not to be hurtful. I was trying not to hurt her and to prevent her from hurting more people. Selfishly, I was also trying to get out of worrying or feeling like I was babysitting.

She took it fairly well in that she didn't ask me why. She didn't say I was being unfair and she didn't demand that I change my mind. I felt awful for making her cry and I felt bad for being the bad guy -- because no matter how mean I think I am, I really am a big softee in real life.

That feeling of guilt/saddness was short lived. She came back in the room less than 10 minutes later and told me she understood where I was coming from but she wanted me to know that she thought that I handled it really poorly.

I was in shock. I was sad that she felt that way and sooooooo angry at how unfair I thought she was being. I handled it the only way that I knew and how could she not see how hard it had been for me. Why had she put me in that position at all? Common decency would have been for her to have taken a step back and not force me to tell her she needed to take a step back. . . .

Then I started thinking about every thing she's done that's made me mad. Every stupid comment she's made. How it's okay for her to say whatever the hell she wants when she's angry and hurt people with her careless words but how we are expected to not only suck it up and not be hurt by it but to pussy foot around and not hurt her at all.

I am sick of her drama. I am sick of feeling manipulated and wondering if she's only in the church because she knows she can work the system to her benefit. Telling some people some stories and others other stories relying on people not to divulge her secrets out of respect/not wanting to gossip and relying on Christian charity to the point of simply using people.

I don't want to deal with any of it any more. The happiest I have been all year was the Thanksgiving break I mentioned already (you know, the one where I was so sick I went to the emergency room and fell down the stairs). As I mentioned in my first post, I have felt increasingly tired this year. Poured out beyond belief. I feel like every group I am involved in has some new drama and I don't have the energy for any of them.

I know that Christians are called to fellowship together. I know the New Testament is full of stories about how hard that is and encouragement for how to acheive it. I know that God should be sufficient for me. I know that I should offer this woman grace and not be filled with anger toward her or want to do violence to something. But somehow knowing all of that doesn't help. . . .

My pastor in college gave the advice that I used as the title of this post and another friend I was screaming at about this situation (because I am just that mature) said to me, "you're responsible for how angry you get. You can either let her get to you or you can rise above it." She's right, totally and thoroughly right. And yet, I feel stuck wallowing in the anger, wanting to lash out and hurt this woman for all the hurt she's inflicted on people I love or to point out all of her inconsistencies and her total lack of regard for people whose trust she says she wants to build. But what would it accomplish? I don't think I'd feel better and at this point I think it would just open up another opportunity for her to be critical (and probably rightfully so. . . .).

So that's my current turmoil. . . .

A Toast to the Holidays!

This just in, B. Good (a very fun fast food restaurant) is benefiting an organization close to my heart (Starlight Ministries). So if you're in the Boston area and you read my blog (you know, so one of the three people I have told about it) you should TOTALLY go get an egg nog shake tomorrow. Here's the excerpt from the B. Good Newsletter:

you can give somebody else a gift, too. Just buy one of our special eggnog
shakes. All the proceeds (that means every last cent of the total sale) will
go to Angie's church's charity, Starlight Ministries, an organization dedicated to helping homeless teens. We'll be making them all day with organic, low-fat eggnog, skim milk, and non-fat frozen yogurt. And we'll only be selling them tomorrow (December 15th).

So please pass this along, tell your friends, your family, perhaps have an office eggnog shake party tomorrow and do something fun that helps the homeless (a good thing-- especially in the holiday season).

And to Think that I Saw it on Mulberry Street

Saturday I was walking to the train carrying a bucket of cleaning supplies with a giant bow on the handle (a housewarming present) and a mesh beach bag filled with little trinkets and blue and silver Chanukah presents (waiting to be wrapped at my destination).

I thought I must look like a freak with the items I was carrying and as if on cue, a woman appeared walking the other direction carrying a trampoline. She was walking with confidence as if it was completely normal for someone to be carrying a trampoline down the bike trail. The man behind her on the other hand was making can-you-believe-it eyes at everyone walking by.

This got me thinking about all the other odd things I have seen people with in this city. When I was walking on the pedestrian overpass by Charles MGH once, a man was riding his "bike" in the opposite direction. The entire frame was covered in fur and on the front of the handle bars where some people might have a flowered basket, he had strapped a pair of long horns.

Walking in Brookline once I saw a guy carrying a little cactus with a bow on the pot. I thought, most guys buy flowers to get out of trouble, I have a bad feeling that this guy's purchase is just going to get him in trouble.

The last terribly notable sight I can recall was when I was walking to the train after work one evening and a woman was carrying a box of items including part of a computer and she had a telephone cord dragging after her. I was imagining the scene that had led up to this. Had she been fired and in the process of cleaning out her desk taken a keyboard, a phone cord and a collection of troll dolls? It just seemed like such odd choices.

This makes me feel a lot better about the wacky things I am always transporting, even if people are thinking I am random as I walk by -- because let's be honest, I am.

It Was Bound to End

I had a great week, holiday parties, challah making, house organizing, it all worked together to be very relaxing and productive. Yesterday I took the day off and that too was fairly productive and good.

Today I am frustrated again. There is a woman who is part of a volunteer group with me and she has consistently hurt and done bad things to people I love. She makes everything difficult and I want to hurt her back and protect those that I love.

It's really saying something that someone could upset me so much in a volunteer group. I mean I am in one group that I have helped for three years where two members are terribly difficult people and they don't get along at all -- so much so that one time when I couldn't handle any more that day I stepped out of the room and heard one of them shout at the other "you know what you are? . . . .You're a COMMUNIST!" While the other said "What did you call me? What did you call me?" While chasing the other one around the kitchen.

Anyway, that's how my Wednesday is going. How is yours?

You Can Dress Her Up. . . .

So yesterday was the biggest work-related holiday party of the season. It is swanky, shi-shi and any other number of fancy words. It took me three years to get an invitation and they are non-transferable.

That morning I put on a black velvet wrap around shirt and a plain black skirt. I looked good, the shirt was tight fitting but showed off my chest to its best advantage and gave me a waist without showing rolls of fat but I was feeling slightly off since my dress mary janes (my only option for comfortable yet dressy shoes) were missing a button and there was a run high up on my nylons (the only pair I had that were clean). As she was locking the door my roommate looked at me and said, your skirt is filthy. I said "WHAT?!" as I had no other dress options at that point and looked down where my black skirt was covered in white. I said it's just lint, I'll take care of it at work.

When I got to work I realized it wasn't just lint, it was actually detergent. I panicked. Luckily one of the other librarians was a sucker for House of Style and told me if I rubbed the fabric together where it was white it would disappear -- it works for deoderant stains too-- it worked like a charm and I was a very happy if slightly crazy looking woman (I did some of the rubbing at my desk).

During the course of the day there were a series of more panicky moments when I would open a book and suddenly be covered in white again and other such incidents, it all worked out though. By 5:00 I was ready to shine.

We walked through the common and the beautifully lit garden to the Ritz. I was feeling totally fancy and ready to embrace a new life as one of the it people. I should be a lady who lunches! I should be a woman of leisure, I have the grace and skills. . . .

We entered the Ritz welcomed by the warmth of heat lamps and the glitter of lights and fancy glass display cases. Walking up the marble staircase I breathed a sigh of contentment. One of the women in the front pointed us in the correct direction for our party and I turned and walked directly into a chair which was near a glass display case and crashed noisily (luckily breaking nothing). I felt like a bull in a china shop.

We walked upstairs as one of my co-workers made fun of my need for attention (see the post about my Thanksgiving break so you understand her feelings). I made it through the rest of the party without mishap though, unless you count when we were leaving and I walked in on a woman in the restroom (but don't you think that's her fault for not locking the door?!). . . .

My Thanksgiving Vacation

I spent Thanksgiving with my friends Em (my co-worker) and Jack (her husband) who were visiting both their families over the break.

Tues. night I felt awful by the time we made it to Em's parent's house and I basically came in and went upstairs to my assigned room. Then I ran to the bathroom and threw up
Cleaned up and went back to my room. Then I threw up again, but this time, the toilet got clogged and I couldn't find a plunger. Em's sister Eliza was upstairs and I confessed to her she ran down and announced it to everyone and then Em came upstairs fixed the clog and got me a bucket just in case. Thank god she did b/c the third time someone was in the bathroom. Luckily that was the last time. I cleaned up everything for a third time and went to bed, my stomach still hurting all the way into my back. At 2:30 am, I woke up and felt fine. I felt fine all day I started out with dry toast and still felt great so we assumed it was some kind of food poisoning and went about the day normally (which was good b/c we were headed to philly that day). We got to philly I still felt great, we put our stuff in the respective rooms and hung out and then Jack's aunt made a Filipino dinner and we ate some of the best fried rice I have ever had (she uses a mushroom soy sauce, I had never even heard of that before). We went to bed a little after 11 and then I woke up around 12:30 again feeling awful. Like someone was sticking a burning poker through me all the way to my back. I threw up again and the pain wouldn't go away. I talked to my dad who had his gall bladder removed and he said he thought that it sounded like his pain. Em came up and checked on me (not sure if I was making a lot of noise or what). At about 3:00 I asked if we could go to the hospital and so we did. They took blood and gave me an iv with fluids and then made me submit to various indignities (like giving a urine sample while I was holding my iv – let me tell you, that's really, really not easy). I mentioned my family history with gall bladders being removed and they seemed to ignore that. At 6:00 just like the night before the pain was gone etc. when informed of this they canceled the tests and released me and gave me a prescription for prilosec. The most annoying thing I thought was that she said if you think the Maalox helped you can get it in the pharmacy and I said I don't think the Maalox helped, I was in pain six hours last night and six hours tonight. I just think the pain stopped on it own and she said maybe it was the atmosphere here. I wanted to slap her.

Jack thought the most annoying part was when she gave me the prescription for prilosec and said it was a prescription for prilosec otc, but I could get it in the store without a prescription. Because O-T-C stood for Over The Counter. Jack repeated that over and over, he loved that line and the tone of stupidity it was said with.

I only ate saltines and drank 7 up the next day till we went out for thanksgiving dinner then I had some chicken and a little bit of mashed potatoes. I was fine thurs. night.

Friday, apparently I felt a dearth of attention. I fell down the stairs. There was a landing about half way down and I did just that there. In the process, my slipper flew off my foot and shot into the living room where Em and Jack were. They couldn't actually see me, they just heard the banging down the stairs and saw the slipper fly into the living room. Jack grabbed the slipper and rushed over to the stairs. He asked me if I was okay. I said yes, and then I started laughing at how ridiculous it all was.

This didn't comfort him. He asked me again if I was okay and I said yes, I am laughing and he said yeah, I know, why are you laughing? But it was really so ridiculous!

Anyway, after that I shaped up and let people sleep through the night though I am not sure that they'll invite me to join them any time soon. . . .

We did go to the Archeology museum at UPenn which was really cool and to the Mutter museum, again very neat (though incredibly crowded and sickeningly hot so we left before I could thoroughly examine everything). We also had lunch at the White Dog Cafe -- great food, though the service was terrible (the server managed to spill water on one of our friend's menus, himself and the floor on three separate ocassions -- also, I asked for water and he wated on three tables including bringing them water before he came back to our table to fill my water), it was still worth enduring for the food. I think those are the highlights. I really, really had a good time.

I LOVE This Blog

Okay, I know I haven't written anything life changing or even that funny. But in the week that I have started this blog my life has improved significantly. It may have something to do with getting to go to four holiday parties this week and significant access to alcohol or the box of chocolate that came on tuesday or the tower of goodies from Harry and David or it could have something to do with the fact that work has slowed significantly so that I can now drop everything or it may do with the fact that I am recognizing that I am letting busyness get in the way of my time with God (which is probably most likely) but like the rat I trained in college the superstitious part of me thinks some of it's the blog.

I am really good at convincing myself to do stuff I don't want to by thinking through an escape clause. I went to college 5,000 miles away from home and unlike the kids who lived two hours from college and whined about homesickness, I was fine, not because I don't love my family or miss my friends or my state, but because I convinced myself if it ever got bad enough. If things were ever so horrible I couldn't go on, all I had to do was get a ride to detroit (1 hour 45 min) and then get on a plane and I'd be home (10 hours later). I had the contingency plan of visiting my best friend near Chicago if things weren't bad enough to merit a plane ticket (only 4.5 hours).

When I moved to Boston, the same thing. I had one friend here and that's all I needed. I knew she loved me and if things were bad enough we'd have eachother, or I only had to wait 12 hours and I'd be home.

Anyway, all that to say recently I have been having trouble not feeling trapped, by work, by responsibilities I have piled on myself, by relationships and by fear/disappointment and I think that this blog is helping me form an escape hatch. . . .

Hmm, this isn't amusing either and my rule is funny trumps everything. So perhaps I share a joke I heard last night at the christmas party: How can you tell the difference between a CPA and an actuary? An actuary is someone who wanted to be a CPA but couldn't handle the fun.

Until next time. . . .

Uh Oh. . . .

My fist visitor, I feel like I should clean up or at least say please excuse the mess. . . .

First

Here goes my first post. . . . so far not that exciting. I have resisted blogging for quite some time so one might wonder why I have suddenly caved (if one, by any chance actually happens upon this blog). It is not because I think I can add that much to the already burgeoning world of blogging or because I am more well endowed with wittiness. Instead, I have decided to start blogging as an outlet for the angst and annoyance in my life. The amusing (or perhaps annoying for you) part is, my life is not that hard or that terrible. I have just started taking it really hard. I can't handle my boss blowing up one more time because she can't find the staple remover or asking me to do something when I get to it (and really meaning drop everything you're doing now and take on my task). So you've been forewarned. I am blessed and yet, still terribly bitter. Enjoy the random musings as they come to me!