We're not having kids.

I realized the other day that my boy makes in three hours of overtime the same amount of money I make all day at regular pay. I was telling my best friend this in the middle of whole foods (while my boy was working overtime). I said, "so my plan is to marry him and quit my job and make him work three hours of overtime every night. It's perfect, then I get plenty of alone time AND we lose no money in the deal!" At just that moment my boy's friend walked by the end of the aisle. I don't think he saw me, but it did make me laugh.

A few days later my boy and I were in Marshalls scoping out baby items on sale because I have several friends currently pregnant or newly enjoying babydom so I try to see what I can get. My boy, not being terribly interested in green booties (because NONE of my freaking friends can find out what they're having ahead of time!!) wandered over to the toy section. He found an elmo vidoe camera. It was the most obnoxious toy ever! I can't remember all the phrases that elmo giggled out, but they included: "Smile!" and "Ready for you close up? HAHAHAHAHAHA" and "Cut that's a wrap HAHAHAHAHAH" the last phrase coming at the end of far more phrases I've blocked out.

I told my boy we were never having that item in our house if things should get so far as us having kids. He turned to me, perfectly straight faced, and said, "Oh, I am stocking up on these kinds of toys, the more noise the better. If you're going to be home alone with the kids all day and make me work three hours extra every night, we're going to have a house full of loud toys." It made me laugh, but out of fear that he'll follow through on his threat, I am not having kids. . . . .or, perhaps, I'll just take the batteries out of all the items all day and have a mad rush "game" with the kids where we put them back in before daddy gets home. Then he can play with the kids and the obnoxious toys and I'll go to my soundproofed bedroom and read a book!