Family, the Ties that Bind And Gag

So I totally stole that title from Erma Bombeck (I love her!). I was telling some friends recently what I find to be the hardest thing about being married. It really is the inlaws. I LOVE my husband's family. In fact, at one point he accused me of marrying him simply for his family. I always wanted a big boisterous family and so it's exciting to have inheirited eight nieces and nephews and to instantly have not only four more siblings but really eight more because they're all married.

The thing is, you grow up in a family and dysfunctional or not (and I'll tell you, my family really felt like we put the FUN in dysfunctional) you learn the system. I'm not gonna lie, every time we go home for a visit my dad says to me, "why do you come back?" Every time I leave though I miss those people I've just spent two weeks fighting with. . .

Despite the fact that my father loves to tell the story about how we're "the quiet family" (a nickname we earned from a walmart greeter when we walked into the store in silence as part of the aftermath of a fight we had in the car), my family fights. We yell, we swear, we slam doors, and stomp and vow (very loudly) to never speak to each other again, and to never come back. Then it's over, no need for apologies really, no need for hugs (omg, is there no need for hugs!!) and you talk again, and you laugh and you tease and all is right with the world.

When you get married though, there's this new family. A family who didn't grow up playing by the same rules your family did, not matter how similar on paper they might seem. So you know your family rules, and you want to apply them to this new family, but it just doesn't work. No matter how much you want to shake the people (or, barring that, at least shake your fist), you have to learn (and then play by) new rules. So far the one I have the most trouble with is where people really do simply stop speaking. They didn't announce it loudly and continue shouting back replies. They just. stopped. speaking. How do you deal with that? No, seriously?