In Christ Alone

On Sunday we were in church for one of our sporadic Sunday visits (I mean really what kind of people go to church two to three times a week but only manage to get there on Sunday every other week?). After getting help unloading a car full of supplies for various ministries and being blessed with a parking spot near the door -- that alone led me into a lot of philosophical discussion in my head about whether it was ok to pray for something as stupid as a parking spot so fervently and be annoyed when God wasn't quick in responding, I mean on the one hand all the supplies were things we were hauling to the church to further HIS kingdom. On the other hand people are dying an being persecuted in his name all over the world. . . reminded me a little of Jonah and that tree :)-- we went up to the service.

It was a great service, from the baptism to the guest speaker. One of the closing songs we sang was In Christ Alone. I am always struck by the following lines:

No guilt in life, no fear in death—This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'rof hell, no scheme of man, Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

I suffer from a heightened sense of guilt. I blame it on my Jewish half (that makes me feel guilty too though ;)). I also have an extreme fear of death even though Christians are supposed to feel ok about it. I fear stupid things like getting bored, and how overwhelming F-O-R-E-V-E-R is and how you have to get along with other people and how nothing is the same as this current world order. . whew, I am getting worked up right now just thinking about it. I mean seriously, terrified.

Anyway, on Sunday, even more than my usual contemplation and prayer that goes along with this section of the song. I thought about my mother. I realize that when it talks about "no pow'r of hell, no scheme of man" It is really talking spiritually rather than physically, but it was good to get a perspective on this. For months now we've watched as doctor after doctor has just made the situation with her worse. When we've thought we'd hit rock bottom, we'd realized that there was a trap door to a whole other level. My prayer on Sunday was to remember God's sovereignty in all of this (though I have to admit, it also included praying to God to stop the pain and to overthrow our enemies -- cause it never hurts to throw in a little Psalm action when you pray).

Hello Again

Um, so it's been awhile my blog friends. Clearly a lot has happened in a month. Sadly in that "a lot has happened" one thing that hasn't changed is my mother. She's still not doing well. At. All. sigh.

I didn't go as Sarah Palin for Halloween and it looks like for the next four years I won't either :). I went as the queen of harts (with a lovely coat of arms featuring many deer taped on my back):

I considered blogging about several things in my hiatus from blogging including when we hit a bad bump in my car and the car made a horrendous noise which we realized was the muffler falling down and my boy miraculously found the bolt and we only had to go 50 yards to reach a home depot where they helped us hunt down the correct pieces to fix the muffler back in (this also means I LOVE Home Depot right now -- I also hate Babies R Us so if you're having a baby and registering there, count on me buying stuff elsewhere) and my boy was known as my hero for the rest of the night. -- whew, are my gramatically correct friends still with me?

We also started getting our milk delivered this month by Crescent Ridge Dairy and it's terribly exciting. Every Wednesday, like clockwork, there are fun things left on our front porch. Since we're still new to the service, we have gotten bonus "welcome items" every week. I find it exhilirating. Also, they have the best chocolate chip ice cream I've had ever (mostly because the chocolate melts quickly in the mouth and has a flavor and doesn't just taste like wax and get stuck in your teeth).

Apparently we plan on stocking up on all of their ice cream novelties because this week we also got a new mini freezer. We celebrated this purchase by getting interesting vegetable mixes from trader joes and going home and defrosting the freezer in our fridge -- what can I say, we lead a thrilling life.

To sum up all of this materialisticness (and yes, I know that's not a word), I thought I would also share the exciting news that amazon now has a universal wishlist button you can add to your favorites. It allows you to add items from any of your favorite websites to your wishlist. I am so happy. I immediately added the weather channel's 3 in 1 jacket to my wishlist (I want it every time I am in the rain) and the eddie bauer ankle length coat I am committed to having before the end of this winter (I have endured almost 30 winters in cold states, I deserve it!). If you want to see what other things I've found to add you can go here (and yes, that's a shameless link to send you to my wishlist, on the bright side if you're looking for christmas gift ideas it will help you get started early). Besides, I just got finished writing an article on places people can go to purchase gifts that give back to the community and where they can donate their excess material goods, doesn't that make up for it?

I encourage all of you to go and update your wishlists too. Then I know what to buy you for Christmas :).

Super Sarah

Last night I announced to the most liberal of my small group that I had bought a Super Sarah t-shirt when I was in Alaska. I don't actually know how I feel about Sarah Palin. I have only heard her speech at the Republican Convention (yes, it's like I've been in a bubble for the last month. I missed the Katie Couric interview, I missed the SNL sketch -- you know the one where Tina Faye seems to have made Sarah look smarter-- and I missed last night's debates) I just really like the t-shirt, being a Sarah myself, I figure I'll get years of use out of it :).

Today on the train, there were three women vehemently discussing Ms. Palin. Clearly they were party line democrats. Clearly they'd seen all the speeches/interviews/parodies etc. Clearly they hate Sarah Palin. That's fine, as I say, I live in a bubble and don't know much. What galled me is the inaccuracy in their facts when they were talking about how uninformed Palin is. Yes, they were stupid facts that annoyed me, but I felt like it undermined their arguments.

One woman said, "she's clearly appealing to the rednecks, and really, how many rednecks can there be out there?" Much as the East Coast and parts of the Northwest would rather not admit it, there are a hell of a lot of rednecks out there. Country music is the second highest selling type of music out there (behind only Rock), pop music has half the following that country music has. Like it or not, rednecks are a significant part of the population.

Another woman was criticizing Palin's expertise. Saying "she's the governor of the state with the smallest population how can she make decisions for an entire country?" I couldn't stand it any more, I hissed at Sean at this point, Alaska is NOT the smallest state population-wise!!! Wyoming is! He was reading the paper and had no idea what I was talking about so I had to repeat it two more times and still he had no idea why I was yelling at him in a stage whisper about Wyoming. . . .It turns out, upon further research, that Alaska is actually fifth from being the smallest state (and that's not even counting all those crazy territories that are out there American Samoa etc).

I was annoyed with a friend once and I told my other friend, Chris, how angry I was with her because she'd said I didn't like anything. . . (oh, did I not mention it was petty?). I found the statement utterly galling. Chris asked if I was upset because she was making a negative comment about me or because I felt like it was an inaccurate statement. I had to admit that it was the inaccuracy that was the most aggravating, not the actual comment on my negativity.

So I am not sure what the point of this post was, it's clearly not to show that I am any closer to using anger in a Nooma type way, but I thought I would throw it out there.

I hate doctors

I hate them with a burning passion. A frightening body shaking fury. A powerful hate that makes me want to punch the living day lights out of the last one that was here. I am still thinking about how satisfying it would have been to flatten him as he was in my face telling me how busy he's been this week. How he's had a rough week. 

Really? Why don't we instill a freaking infection in your back as a result of you and your colleagues sheer incompetence and then leave you in a hospital room to rot until you're doctors are tired of that game and decide to send you home. You, the patient who hasn't had a temperature in a normal range for more than 24 hours, who hadn't up until those 24 hours had a normal temp for three plus weeks. A patient who has had one semi-normal kidney test in an entire week and two days before had an even worse kidney test when fluids were being tapered before. A patient who clearly should stay at least one. more. day. . . . . Then tell me how your week is going. 

Sigh, the doctor that I am visualizing deliciously on the floor from my powerful punch (yes, the only thing I know about punching is you keep your thumbs on the outside, but still) just came back. Instead of being in my face or belligerent or cavalier as he was earlier, he touched my shoulder gently and handed me a card with the "back" number so we could call and make sure that a follow up appointment was made quickly. 

It's sort of representative of how this whole trip has been. A lot of ups and downs. A lot of euphoric we're out of the woods now, followed by crushingly low lows. A lot of anger at the powerlessness of it all only to have the winds of anger sucked out too. 

I watched an episode of NOOMA on anger and how wonderful it is in the sense that it gives you an energy, a power etc. It talked about how anger can be used for good. Anger can enable you to fight for social justice. It can help you stand up for what you believe in. It can be the impetus you need to do right. I, however, find myself going the other way. . . The non-nooma endorsed way. Letting my anger at the powerlessness of this whole situation, the injustice of it simply lash out at others. . . . 

As good old Paul would say: I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. You can try looking it up on Biblegateway.com, Romans 7:15, good luck with that. I couldn't get a link to that verse.

Addendum to Dressings not Dresses

For up to the minute (well at least almost daily) information on the gross (both grossly incompetent and just plain ew gross) things the medical professionals are doing to my mother, you can go to my dad's blog: http://hartofak.blogspot.com/

Dressings as opposed to dresses

So after mixed reviews on the dresses (some so terrible I won't repeat them here), MZ and I went out dress shopping. I found two more contenders. I am not posting them online though, and not just because my sister is liable to call an intervention. It turns out we're not going to the wedding, we're going to AK to try and help out with my mom's recovery. I mean we're not trained medical professionals, but we are able to fetch things and to cook meals to be frozen and to stay "on call" while my dad and sister sleep or go to work.

Alaska Air was incredibly accommodating and the woman I spoke to was helpful and conscientious. Northwest Airlines on the other hand has been nothing but horrible to deal with. When I called for help I was told that they could walk me through it online but they couldn't help me over the phone unless I paid $40. So I could keep the guy on the phone forever as long as he was helping me online, but he couldn't quickly look up the information and just do it. . . Makes total sense. Also, annoyingly, with the tickets we bought instead of being able to just get a "refund" where they give us the credit to use within a year, it's either figure out some other flight you want to take and the credit will be applied (less the $200 change fee) or you just lose it all. Mind you I believe that NWA is now one of those horrible airlines that charges for your first piece of checked luggage as well (which makes me go cross eyed and my blood boil when I think about it -- you know because we're not allowed to have liquids through security and the cabins in planes were already crowded enough before all this and this is just INSANE), so what did I expect really?

I don't really know that there's much point to this post. But I was Internet starved for the last five days and I finally caught up enough on work to take a small break so there you have it. I've posted.

The Sweater Dress Phenomenon

So I am trying to decide whether to succumb to the sweater dress phenomenon. Really, in all honesty I've gotten too fat for my standby "dress I wear to weddings". Not too fat to wear it at all mind you, just too fat to wear it comfortably all day. Sad since it looks terribly lovely next to my boy's blue pin stripe suit, but let's move on because while I'm working on the being the fattest I've ever been in my life, it's slow going and as much as I want to be motivated to go back to the gym, so far I am not. Anyway, I think the two options I bought would work for our big work event in October as well (and since, as I said, the working on losing weight is slow going, I need to think ahead to things like that). I have pictures posted below. If you'd be so kind as to tell me whether I should stick with them, or keep looking it would be greatly appreciated. Also, please be gentle, I mean yes, looking at these pictures I think I should have a sign labeled wide load taped to my back, but really, I am already aware, there's no need to let me know, no matter how constructive you feel it might be. Oh, and yes, the living room (and my bedroom and my boy's bedroom and the kitchen, are all a mess and instead of cleaning I am doing a fashion show. . . ). Also, I cannot figure out how to post a survey so you can just click a button to give me your answer so you'll have to leave a comment.