Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

If you've read this blog at all lately, you know I am currently, mopey, homesick, feeling pulled somewhere I cannot determine.

I was really excited about that house from my last post. Really excited. I was energized and felt like I had a purpose again. Save, save, save like there was no tomorrow. I would not spend money on anything that wasn't utterly necessary. It inspired me to actually consider using the two rolls of scotts toliet paper we have (they are left over from a costco size package that I refused to use the rest of and made my boy take down to Pennsylvania so we could give it away because I couldn't even have such foul toliet paper in my house let alone use it -- yes, this toliet paper is that bad that it inspires a paragraph long paranthetical statement, try it yourself, you'll see). Anyway, if you notice, all that is in past tense. I was really excited about that house etc. I mean yeah, it's still a great house and yeah, if someone gave it to me, or if by some fluke we could afford it, I think I would be happy there (or, you know, as happy as I ever am).

This past weekend was spent with my boy's family. We went up to the White Mountains and did tons of really fun things (and there's soo much more we left unexplored, who knew the White Mountains held such treasures!). We stopped at fun spot (famous from The King of Kong) on the way up, went on the Cog Railroad, saw the bears at Clark's Trading Post and rode the rails multiple times on Sunday (the boys even got to try out a hand car even though they each had a broken arm, I mean it is called a hand car I suppose, not a hands car). When it came time for us to part ways, and for my boy and I to go down the Mass Pike while they continued the long trek home to Pennsylvania, I got teary eyed and said "I miss them already." To which my boy responded with much disdain/disbelief "Are you kidding me?!"

I'm not a big crier and it wasn't my family we were leaving. . . So now I am homesick not only for my family, but for my boy's family as well. Great. If I didn't know where I was being pulled before. I certainly don't know. Perhaps picking someplace random to move like Weekawken, NJ wouldn't be a terrible first step. It would be that much closer to both our families and a move would certainly keep us too busy to notice a feeling of being adrift and purposeless.

I started this post on Wednesday, and by the time I got home and started a couple of loads of laundry and a pulled pork pizza (with caramelized onions, yum!!), I was feeling contented and purposeful again. Unfortunately, the bbq sauce I put on was slightly runny and the sharp cheese I had chosen was apparently a little too greasy and while the apartment filled with smoke I fell right back into my negative nelly thinking. It did remind me of this part of It's the Hard Knock Life "Don't it seem like there's never any light!/Once a day, don't you wanna throw the towel in?/It's easier than puttin' up a fight."

Today is a new day though, and the sun is shining (no, it literally is, this isn't me giving up on bitterness) and so there's hope that tonight at least I won't end the night sulking. Seriously, who am I kidding?