Really? Why don't we instill a freaking infection in your back as a result of you and your colleagues sheer incompetence and then leave you in a hospital room to rot until you're doctors are tired of that game and decide to send you home. You, the patient who hasn't had a temperature in a normal range for more than 24 hours, who hadn't up until those 24 hours had a normal temp for three plus weeks. A patient who has had one semi-normal kidney test in an entire week and two days before had an even worse kidney test when fluids were being tapered before. A patient who clearly should stay at least one. more. day. . . . . Then tell me how your week is going.
Sigh, the doctor that I am visualizing deliciously on the floor from my powerful punch (yes, the only thing I know about punching is you keep your thumbs on the outside, but still) just came back. Instead of being in my face or belligerent or cavalier as he was earlier, he touched my shoulder gently and handed me a card with the "back" number so we could call and make sure that a follow up appointment was made quickly.
It's sort of representative of how this whole trip has been. A lot of ups and downs. A lot of euphoric we're out of the woods now, followed by crushingly low lows. A lot of anger at the powerlessness of it all only to have the winds of anger sucked out too.
I watched an episode of NOOMA on anger and how wonderful it is in the sense that it gives you an energy, a power etc. It talked about how anger can be used for good. Anger can enable you to fight for social justice. It can help you stand up for what you believe in. It can be the impetus you need to do right. I, however, find myself going the other way. . . The non-nooma endorsed way. Letting my anger at the powerlessness of this whole situation, the injustice of it simply lash out at others. . . .
As good old Paul would say: I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. You can try looking it up on Biblegateway.com, Romans 7:15, good luck with that. I couldn't get a link to that verse.
6 comments:
I could feel my heart swell in anger right along with you in the ups and downs of this post. First, because you're an amazing writer and second, because I can visualize the frustration of the situation and can picture your family waiting there in the hospital. I'm so sorry about everything going on for your mom and I'm praying for all of you. Wish there was something more I could do, but I do promise my prayers.
Oh Sarah, I sympathize with you completely. And I would absolutely punch that doctor with you! For now, though, I'll stick to praying for your mother, father, Leah, you, Sean, and, oh yeah, your mother's doctors. :)
http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/09/26/so-thats-why-doctors-dont-use-e-mail/
Rob Bell makes me so angry! I want to punch him right in his emo glasses!
Ugh, I'm so sorry that you guys (esp. your mom) has had to go through all of it!! Hang in there!
Commenting kind of late to this...but just wanted to add my sympathies to everyone else's.
Anger is so terrifying to me, in part because its destructive powers are so much more obvious (and probably so much more frequent in my own execution) than the constructive. But right now, with all this ineptitude and condescension surrounding you, I think it's probably a very powerful tool at your disposal. I'm not about to tell you how to use it or what to do, but I just offer my hope that it can buoy you and protect you, instead of hurting you further.
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