Thursday, April 26, 2007

Baby Steps

So I reached my first donation goal (the little goal they recommend for you) within the first day. I reached the only slightly higher goal withing the next day. I have been learning about praying big lately. About asking God for big promises and praying persistently.

That's kind of what my small goals and the comment on my last post made me think about. So I have upped the ante one last time. If I make $500 in donations, I am a "Heart and Sole" walker. I feel good that these are the few walkers who made almost half of what was made last year during the walk. I feel like Phoebe a little though when I see the benefits to being a heart and sole (or as I like to think of it a Hart and sole) walker. . . .

I am also now terribly nervous about this walk. My boy keeps saying that I can quit at any time, that no, we didn't need to train for it, that it will be fine. I have had three other people warn me how hard and grueling this is and one person say that it sounds hard but maybe I can recite Psalms to get me through (While I think that some of them may be entirely appropriate, she obviously does not know that it took me until college practically to learn the Lord's Prayer).

Anyway, now I am scared. Every time I have mentioned my fears/the warnings to my boy though via im, he responds the same way: ":)" oddly enough, there's not much comfort there in the smiley face.

So prayers for energy, strength etc. will be welcome, as will any further donations you would like to submit (though I assume my loyal readers have already submitted them if they could afford to/cared).

Oh, and I think I updated my url for the walk: http://www.projectbread.org/goto/get_bitter -- isn't that fun :).

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I Hate Begging

I have decided to do a charity walk. It's my first one. I HATE asking for money. In fact I hate asking for help even when I need it. . . . but that's another story. The fact that I had so much trouble with the asking for money thing made me think about those people we help at my various outreaches. I mean for some of them it's no problem at all to stand on the corner and beg for money or to come up to any outreach and take as much as they can (for some people it's a game, I have heard of one guy bragging that he got six free turkeys for Thanksgiving). But for others, you can see the broken spirit it induces, the humbleness that's been thrust upon them and the de-humanization it can bring on. They're usually the ones who will quietly take you aside and ask if you have socks or who hold back for a bit before they get up the nerve to step in line for a cup of coffee.

I guess today's action of sending out a "begging" email has made me even more aware of how careful we have to be to make our outreach a comfortable, natural, hey let's have a random gathering among friends sort of thing. I don't know how to explain it. I suppose the gist of this is, my letter today really made me think.

Also, (since I've already begged once today) if you're interested in supporting me you can look at my walk website: http://www.projectbread.org/site/TR?px=1237382&pg=personal&fr_id=1070&et=isKE1nMGKUJ7Ew1aDpzSOA..&s_tafId=7720

Monday, April 23, 2007

Skipping Ahead

Okay, so I know I still have a LOT of catch up to play, but I would like to point out a couple things about this morning already.

1. It is a GORGEOUS day outside, not too warm yet (though they say it's going to get too warm) and sunny and so lovely and I wish I weren't at work, or that my work was riding the ferry back and forth between Charlestown and long wharf all day.

2. I went to the gym this am and had a good work out, by which I mean I was tired, and red faced but I didn't fall over/have pain breathing when I stopped so that's encouraging :). Also, I lost 4lbs since I last weighed myself (over a month ago). No one else will be excited since that's pretty pathetic, but if you've been reading my blog it's not like I have been very good about following any kind of diet plan and I was afraid I would have gained tons so for me, I am happy.

3. When I got into work this am the fridge we have here had leaked all over the floor. More accurately, the freezer portion of it had melted and the water had gone all over the bottom of the fridge and when I opened the door it leaked all over the floor -- so really I suppose it's all my fault. Anyway, I cleaned out the entire fridge (sad since it had the lunch meat I keep here to make lunch, it had another librarian's frozen lunch, and lots of yogurt, pudding etc. I don't think it works though because after I cleaned it all till it shone, I pulled it out from under the counter to check that it was plugged in and it was and still not running. Now I am really sad. This means the healthy diet coke I bought will be warm for lunch (which I will now have to go out and buy).

Friday, April 20, 2007

Good Friday

First of all, why is it called Good Friday? I suppose I could Google it and look, but perhaps someone would like to just tell me. I get that what happened brought about good, but it is one of the dreariest, saddest, lowest points in the church calendar/service/history. I feel like we should have a revolution and call this day Black Friday from now on and make retailers call Black Friday Good Friday. Who's with me?

Anyway, my roomie, my boy and I met up with three other friends for our church's Black Friday (I am starting already, OED here I come!!!) service. It is a very somber and long service. It focuses on the last seven phrases Christ said before he died each one is read there is a pause and then a candle is snuffed out. Each year the pastor gives a meditation on one particular verse and then they continue reading the rest of the words of Christ pausing long enough to snuff candles. To give you an idea of timing, one year they used taper candles and snuffed one out after each of verses. That year the meditation was on the first or second verse, however, and by the time the meditation was complete, one of the candles had burned down completely and one had had to be snuffed because it was looking like a fire hazard and the rest didn't look too healthy. I had missed subsequent services and assumed that the meditation had been cut down since then. I realized how wrong I was when we entered the sanctuary and saw a line of pillar candles. While I do love Jesus (contrary to what recent posts might imply), I did have a sort of sinking feeling. . . .

You're not supposed to talk upon entering the sanctuary and this posed a problem for one of my friends. He doesn't go to church often and usually when he does and I am there we'll pass notes/whisper through a majority of the service. This being a special meditative service I refused to talk and didn't really want to write notes (I am sure people wish that were always my rule, but whatever). It didn't look good. He was writing notes furiously. I was smiling and nodding and finally writing some notes back. This slowed down though once the service started.

At one point in the service we were reciting Psalm 22 antiphonally (one side of the congregation said a couple verses then the other side said a couple more). My friend gave up the note writing was practically shouting: "Are we God?" It was a confusing question with which to be startled out of the reading. At first I didn't know what he meant (and I am not sure that those around us knew either). He continued to ask a couple more times and then I grabbed his bulletin and started writing madly. I wrote that neither side was God, that this was written by David but that it was a prophecy about Jesus and that some of these exact phrases were things that he said on the cross. He wrote back, but why is some bold and some not? And the only response I had was so that we could read it responsively. He said "so it's just random?" and I said "as far as I know, yeah." He seemed disgusted after that and was quiet for quite some time. . . .

The service ended and the six of us were starving. We headed to the North End to eat at the Daily Catch (mentioned earlier in this blog). It's a very small and very popular restaurant. Accommodating six people is quite a feat there. So we stood outside waiting. . . and waiting. . . and getting hungrier and hungrier. I broke out a bag of carrots I had bought earlier at haymarket and we crunched on them and continued to talk and wait. The host came out and told us he'd seat us as soon as he could. I said it's fine, we have carrots now and he said he'd bring us out a small calamari on the house. We were thrilled. We put the carrots away and waited eagerly. He brought out the calamari and it was gone in a flash. My note writing friend and I took the box and the used napkins and used one of the shiny new solar powered trash cans (it was exciting). Eventually after much more waiting they seated us (at two different tables with the promise that we could sit together once the couples next to us left--what the hell was taking them so long!!!!!). We worked out a plan for what we wanted and then prepared to order. He came back and said "sorry guys, I have to tell you we're out of bread and we're out of lobster." One of our desired dishes had contained lobster and, oddly enough, some carrots and a small calamari weren't enough to make us very full so no bread was a sad statement. We proceeded to order and limited our glowering to the couples next to us (who were taking up space so we couldn't sit together AND who had the lobster dish we wanted) to a minimum. My note taking friend offered to go across the streets to Mike's and buy some bread. This was an overwhelmingly supported plan. He ran across and when the restaurant saw what we had done they offered to heat/slice the bread for us. It was quite nice (they did give some of our bread to another couple later on but whatever. . . .). We got calamari meatballs, an odd, but lovely treat. It was hearty and meaty but with a hint of squid flavor (as you might suspect). We also got the clams casino which were great (they usually only come with five, but they added an extra one for us -- why would anything come in fives? even if you were just a couple wouldn't you want a four or a six?). For the meal we had Monkfish Marsala (a very meaty/hearty fish) that came with an incredible sauce we eagerly sopped up with the bread; Calamari and Clams in a red sauce; Scallops (I LOVE scallops) in a white olive oil sauce; and, my favorite from last time, Aglio Olio We were so full and happy at the end of the night. All the waiting was worth it.

We started walking back to the train when someone decided we should try the ice cream infused cupcakes that are now found in the North End. So we stopped by Trani and split a five pack of fudgeits. I am not sure I will get that again, but I would definitely try one of their other treats Walnuffs for example -- though my friend and I talked about buddy-b's too (so it's not like I wouldn't try the brownie again I guess :)).

Anyway, it was a good night (notice a trend here, if I have good food it's a good day -- this is why I need to be on weight watchers!!!!!!!).

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Rhubarbary. . . Rhubarbarian. . .

My roommate found an early batch of rhubarb in Stop and Shop (they now, a month later, have three pieces at Shaws) and she and I excitedly rented a zipcar to go purchase it. I don't actually like rhubarb and I don't think my roomie is that partial to it, but our friend John Doe (the one who gave us the best Valentine's Day present ever) LOVES rhubarb. He NEVER has favorites. NEVER! It gets annoying, since I am a little like Buddy the Elf when it comes to favorites I am ready to accept almost everything (of course on the flip side, I hate a lot of things too). Anyway, just like Mikey and the Life cereal, John Doe let it slip once, that rhubarb pie was his favorite so any time we see, hear or think of rhubarb we think of him.

We invited him and another friend from our Thurs. night group over on April 2nd to make a rhubarb pie, to eat tacos and watch the Hebrew Hammer (no it doesn't necessarily go together, don't over think it). My boy's mother sent us her recipe for rhubarb pie so that's what we tried. It was very different from the joy of cooking recipe but I liked it (ok, in all honesty, I had the crust with a little sauce and not much of that -- I hate fruit pies).

Anyway, it was a lovely, laid back evening and John Doe had two pies to take home with him when he left (not sure that he actually wanted to, but he did take them).

Is Baby Jesus Crying?

So there's a horrible guy who goes to our church (it's bound to happen when you have a church of 2,000 or whatever our church is and apparently I am bound to find them). I told my boy once, I would really feel sorry for this guy and try harder to be his friend but he's so smug and hateful in addition to his social awkwardness. My boy pointed out he wouldn't need my friendship if he weren't so smug because better, nicer, people would probably already be his friends.

Anyway, this guy has seriously wronged me in the past and I think I have kind of forgiven him (though this post doesn't make it sound like it too much). He also told my roommate within 10 minutes of meeting her that she didn't belong in our church and that she seriously needed to reconsider her religious beliefs (mind you she was working in our homeless outreach ministry right as he was telling her this -- as in she was talking to homeless people/handing out muffins and he interrupted that to point out she didn't love Jesus right). He's done other stuff to other people too and I believe has a pastor actually assigned to him because he's been flagged as a "problem" person.

He's recently gotten his mdiv and therefore is an extremely eager and active member of our church. He ushers he attends officious meetings and he hands out communion. Usually they actually only let him dismiss the pews but on April 1st as some sort of cruel cosmic joke he was handing out the communion in the section where we were sitting (and we don't even usually sit in that section!!!). Our church is really good about giving ample time right before communion for you to make right with people so you're prepared to take communion properly. I didn't feel the need to make right with him. I have forgiven him, I just don't want to be close enough to him for him to hurt me again. As a friend of mine says, you're not called to like fellow Christians, you're called to love them!

My roomie didn't feel comfortable taking communion from someone who thinks she shouldn't even be in the church so she was planning on abstaining completely. Instead I suggested that we wait till the pew to our left was dismissed and just follow them (I liked the two people giving communion on the other side). It was like watching a tennis match though seeing the sides get dismissed. They were neck and neck and then the pews to our left pulled out ahead. It looked like the ones on the right might catch up, but in the end the ones on the left won by a nose. Four of us from my pew stood up and followed the left pew over. I felt like it was a coup, a triumph, a solution.

When I told this story to Girl, she said that I should have made right with the guy. I pointed out I had, I didn't want to be hurt again and she just gave me a look and asked if I thought he would poison the communion cup. I said no, but the focus of communion should be on what Christ did for me/us and I should be taking it in fellowship with Christian brother's and sisters. If I had taken communion on the right I would have been thinking about the guy I can't like, but work on loving, instead of Christ. . . .

I thought it was a funny story, but perhaps it's just a sad example of how we haven't come that much farther since the fighting in the early church. . . .

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Thoreau-ly spring time

On March 31st (yes, I have a lot of catching up to do) my boy and I were supposed to be heading to New Haven to visit and old friend of mine and his brother. Instead because I was still recovering from being ill we went out with my roommate (who was recovering from a hang over :)) for a heavy diner breakfast. It was terribly filling (seven hours later we were still quite full but I am getting ahead of myself) and such a pleasant walk to the local diner that when we returned home we were looking for an outdoor activity we could engage in that wasn't too high impact/too structured. We all agreed a trip to Walden was perfect so we rented a zipcar and headed out deliberately (sorry I couldn't come up with a better play on words). The zipcar was in Harvard Square and so we stopped for rations for the trip (I got Gatorade afraid of dehydration, and chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels -- my favorite treat from CVS and something I wanted to get in before really trying again at the diet-- my roomie got regular pretzels and my boy got water) and then headed off to find the car. I took us to entirely the wrong spot. So my boy took over -- but he has an annoying habit of only telling you things on a need to know basis, probably something good for me since I tend to worry/imagine worst case scenarios, the problem being he has a terrible filter for knowing when other people NEED to know. . . . eventually after much discussion/griping we found the car and headed out on the highway. We had a lovely time walking around the pond, we started out looking at the replica of the house that Thoreau lived in and then we went down to the beach and around stopping every so often to explore the nature skip rocks etc. and finding the foundation for Thoreau's actual house (I say find, really we followed giant signs that were pointing there).

We ended our tour back at the beach and watched a mother push a child dressed in a rabbit costume past us. A long way off she set the child up with an Easter basket and some plastic eggs under a tree and started flashing pictures. It was disturbing on so many levels. I think the child thought so too because he started crying -- my roomie pointed out that he didn't start crying until he fell over but whatever, I think that the kid thought this was a terrible way to celebrate the death and resurrection of Christ.

We decided to head into Concord and explore the town. I LOVED it. First we headed to an incredible cheese, wine and delicacy store, The Concord Cheese Shop. It was overwhelming and having had the filling diner breakfast we couldn't eat but I so desperately wanted to, everything looked so good. In addition to an incredible selection of cheeses, they had meat, prepared foods, lots of wine and a great selection of cadbury chocolates. They also had specialty teas and salt collections and other hard to find items. It was so fun just exploring -- next time I am coming back when I can eat though :).

Next we found a fun kitchen store called The Famous Concord Shop. It had unique kitchen tools AND a dog eager for attention (I don't know how they go together but I like both so I was cool with it). We ended up buying two cookie cutters while there but left some of the more obscure items for another time.

We explored the Toy Shop of Concord Next (I love how all of the stores have so much town pride!!). I had a hard time resisting these gorgeous blue marbles we found and so many fun puppets. I also found a perfect puzzle for my roommie and co-worker on one side it was a french bull dog (my roomies favorite breed) and on the other it was a daschund (my co-workers favorite). I figured they'd fight though so I left it there with the beautiful marbles. In the end my roomie convinced my boy to buy a wiffle ball set and I bought her two plastic fish that looked the same as the latest two she had that died (I am hoping we can stop the fish rampage this way and just stick to plastic pets from now on). My roomie did insist on a picture here though (much to my boy's dismay-- much to mine I can't figure out how to post it).

We headed to Friendly's for a late lunch/early dinner. I got the "cheese" fries and a sandwich. My boy got a salad (which is really saying something since he refuses to eat any meal that doesn't include meat) and we shared his happy ending sundae when he finished.

At this point it was time to meet my boy's friends for pool. In the end the three of us pretty much played pool in our own corner. I still suck at pool but I think in the course of the evening I did manage to improve. I stopped scraping the felt, for example, and actually would hit the balls, not the ones I wanted or into the pockets, but I hit them nonetheless!

We went to a concert briefly at Ryles and then had to return the zipcar.

A good long day.

Moderately Well Bred

I was told recently that I must be moderately well bred since I manage to send out thank you notes just incredibly late. It's totally true, though it did make me slightly sad since I feel like I have excuses (illness out of town etc.). Looking back, however, an incredibly busy schedule seems like a fairly flimsy excuse if people who are also busy were able to take time out of their busy schedules to do something thank you note worthy. . . .

Other lapses on my part include missing a significant number of phone calls from one of my best friends resulting in a message along the lines of, "I am not actually going to call you names on your voice mail, but do be aware that I am in need of a lot of attention and at this point I have more of a relationship with your voice mail than I have with you."

I have also not done laundry in several weeks and my room has reached national disaster levels (I am sure some homes in NOLA looked better than mine currently does).

As you may have noticed -- if you actually have tried to read my blog at all-- I have also not been very good about updating (I actually had two complaints about it, it's nice to know people read the blog, but sad when you realize that the two people complaining already know everything I have done in the last two weeks since they live with me or were there doing it).

So this week's resolution is to catch up on some missing posts (going all the way back to the beginning of April). I may actually manage to do it since this week is April vacation week in Boston and things sometimes get slow here as a result. Don't hold your breath though, my car is still sitting idle in my driveway after a resolution back in September was neglected and my stuff is still strewn all over the house breaking another resolution. . . . .